Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Terrible idea I love it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
