What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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