Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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