his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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