In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
