its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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