I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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