I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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