I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
