I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
