I'm lost and stupid without you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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