I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
