ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
