butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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