This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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