What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
