Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
