I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
