i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
