I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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