Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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