Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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