i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
