I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
