I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand