Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.