My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.