Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.