# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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