cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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