How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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