She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
