you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
