Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
