You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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