glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
