I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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