I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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