I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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