my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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