I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
