Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
