Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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