Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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