It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
