I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
