Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
