I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
