In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think your dad took our porno
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
