literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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