Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
