I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
