Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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