I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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