Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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