ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
