my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
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Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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