New invention idea: vibrating tampons
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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