Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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