Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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