As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
