she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
