so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
