I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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