Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
