You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
