I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
