I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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