we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
