I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
