the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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